The Cab Ride Dipset

“Last night two buddies of mine and I pound 3 swirls a piece (very strong drinks) which blacked all of us out. We hit the bars and of course get absolutely trashed and blacked out. My buddies and I decide to take a cab ride home because we are far beyond walking distance, and the cab ride is super long and ends up costing $40!!

As soon has the foreign cab driver hits a stop sign near our pad, we all jump out and run! The cab driver is literally chasing us for 30 fucking minutes and we have several close calls with the driver coming close to hitting us! One of us goes one way, and me and my 1 friend end up hiding in multiple backyards from the cab driver. I decide its time to run after hiding for a while and what do ya know, there the cab driver is RIGHT in front of me. The cabbie starts yelling at me in his accent and hitting me from the cab window. The driver then tries to snatch my phone and we exchange quite a few words, screaming at each other.

I convince the cab driver I will pay him the next day (ya right) and tell him I will meet him at the bars with $40, sorryboutit HELLA RECKLESS. Come home and my friend we split up from is blacked out on my couch (big surprise). Now to work and then NEW YEARS EVE! Good luck to everyone; STAY HELLA RECKLESS!”

Durka Durka

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Drunken Shopping Cart Shitshows

"I swear drunk, I'm not officer!"

“Few friends and I go to our friend’s 21st birthday last night in RENO. We started off at her house taking your standard shots and drinking beer, which of course lead to shot-gunning multiple beers and taking more shots. This was the encouragement we needed to head to the casinos.

We get there and start raging on the dance floor to some random shitty band, standard shit. My other 2 friends and I break off from the party group to do our own thing. Things start off with me loosing ALL of my money to Terry the BlackJack Dealer, where I proceed to yell at her and call her a “Shitty Dealer,” and now I was broke for the rest of the night.

Its about 2am so we decide to head to the strip club because my friend wants to buy us all lap dances. We get there, it seems closed. Instead of leaving, I reach my hand under the door and pull it open, and we casually stroll into the strip club unannounced. Luckily there were a few people in there and of course, STRIPPERS! So I get a lapdance from some stripper (it was aight), and she goes down on me by putting her lips on my dick THROUGH my pants, and starts humming. Haha so I’m like laughing at this and ask her “what the fuck are you doing” and even though it felt pretty good I enjoyed the laugh more. She felt pretty dumb I guess and asks me for $20, which I reject and tell her I only had $3. We proceed to leave the strip club after this lol.

We then headed to an AMAZING burger joint in Reno, and used an old receipt in my friends pocket to claim one of the burgers like we payed for it. We stole the burg, and grubbed it hardd in the alley-way. We then come to realize NO ONE has ANY MONEY, and the house we were stayin’ at was 10 MILES AWAY! Anyways we decided to walk…

The first part of our walk, we hit up the local frat houses, and bang on their doors being drunk idiots. We proceed to hop their fence and spray paint “Frat Fags” on their fence of the house. We steal a bike after doing so, and realize it had one wheel still locked. Nonetheless we ditch the bike over some fence down the street. About 3 outtta 10 miles and an hour through the walk we find a Raley’s and steal a shopping cart. We use the cart to switch off pushing each other because we are SO fucking tired at this point.

Finally 5am rolls around, and a paper boy rolls up in his car and offers us either a newspaper or beers. OF COURSE WE TOOK THE BEERS!  This was crucial as we were all wasted and tired. We continue to drink the beers and push each other in the shopping cart another 5 MILES and 2 hours later we arrive at home at 7AM. 10 miles total, 4 hours of walking, no money, strippers, stealing burgers, spray paint and drunk paper boys; HELLA RECKLESS!”

Legend of the Samurai

“During my stay back home for the holidays, a group of friends that I used to be in a band with decide to have a little reunion party. At first we start off by just drinking a few beers and catching up on what we’ve been up to since high school, some of us are in college, some of us have dropped out, and a few are even facing jail time.

After a short while a few beers turns into too many and we start taking shots and getting belligerent. After we’re all good and wasted the talk of hard drugs starts to surface, and we all know it only takes one person to pitch the idea and then everyone else seems to be down. After calling everyone in our phone books and making idiots of ourselves looking for substances on a random Monday night, a buddy finally gets a hold of a dealer at around 1am. What he failed to mention was that this dealer was a homeless man that lived half hour away.

So as any fiend would do, he decides to drive while nearly blacked out to pick up the dude, after finally locating the guy he says he needs to go another half hour in the other direction to meet his guy to get the stuff, so they drive all the way back and finally get the molly and finally arrive back at the house we’ve been raging in at around 4am. Previously in the night we had been having brutal drunk hunger and devoured a ton of mixed nuts on the counter that we wanted to do the molly off of, this is relevant because the owner of the house is allergic to nuts and was afraid that if he railed the molly off the counter, he would need to go to the hospital, which at this hour would have been an extremely bad situation to be in. So, we searched the house to find a surface, when we stumbled upon a decorative display of samurai swords in the living room. Jackpot. We then proceeded to line up the molly on the samurai swords and go crazy. Turns out it wasn’t molly, still hungover two days later.

Buying drugs off of a homeless man at 3am, hella dumb. Proceeding to do these drugs off of an ancient Japanese artifact, Hella Reckless”

“Passed out at Purple Palace”

“So…. Got kicked out of a cab last night for straddling my girl friend in the back seat. Hella Reckless. Bought my first bottle of alcohol at 7am. Hella Reckless. Missed my birthday dinner with my whole family and friends because I got too drunk and passed the fuck out at the Purple Palace, hella reckless. Got on stage 7 and a half times at the LA Riots show in Chico and had to be taken down by security every time, hella reckless. On the way to VEGAS RIGHT NOW, HELLA RECKLESS!”

Awesomely Awkward

“On top of Riley’s Bar in Chico. Welcome Week. Somehow I get in the back room watching 30 year old guys slamming lines of coke off a picture frame. Not sure how to react, I leave the room and proceed to completely black the fuck out on top of Riley’s. Black in an hour or so later on a Chico campus lawn rolling around with a freshman, making out as cars honk and kids cheer passing by. Somehow get a guest pass and am taken up to the freshman’s room. She leaves and asked 10 different girls to come into the room as I’m naked and ask if they approve of me. I’m assuming they did as I proceeded to get a 2 hour blow job. To break down this situation, the beds in this dorm are facing each other. I didn’t realize that her roommate was staring me down for the first half an hour. Then we made eye contact in one of, hands down, the most awkward situations of my life. I later find out this girl’s roommate has never drank, never smoked, and doesn’t believe in having a facebook. I scarred her for life I’m sure. 2 hours later her roommate banished me from the room, so I proceed to nail the girl in her car in the Chico State parking lot. Later as we leave I see “get some” written in the fog of one of the cars. It was a sign from the Gods. Hella Reckless”

Hella Reckless Holiday Miracle!

“Driving South on 580 I ran out of gas and had to park on the shoulder of the freeway. My phone was dead and I had no money… Had to walk 9 miles to the nearest gas station so I hitch-hiked and some guy picked me up and took me to the gas station. Some stranger there bought me a gas can and a gallon of gas. I had to walk on the wrong side of the freeway all 9 miles back when at the 6th mile I got picked up by the 5-0 highway patrol, which was sketchy considering I had been drunk all day and spilled alcohol all over my shirt earlier.

He was taking me back to my ride when he saw another cop pulling over 2 sketchy ass Mexicans… He got out of the car while my college white boy ass had to sit in the front passenger seat… Apparently the Mexicans were getting busted for dealing drugs, so they got arrested all while I watched.

Once we continue in his car the Cop says since it’s Thanksgiving he has to give me a sobriety test… first he does an eye test which I failed with flying colors because obviously I had been drinking all day, it is the holidays after all! At this point he tells me I have two options… Breathalyzer or call someone to come get me. As I said earlier I broke my phone a few days earlier, so that was not an option… I end up blowing a 0.000, it’s a holiday fucking miracle and he let me go!! Hella Reckless!!”

Mini-Keg Stand FAIL

Mini-Keg Stand gone horribly wrong!

Ouch.

“Understandably Shitty”

“Last Wednesday, I split a handle of Dry Gin with my buddy and got understandably shitty as one would. At the end of the night I found my roommate passed out in his bed with his girlfriend, and at the site of this I stripped down to my boxers and jumped into bed with them. The next morning I woke up spooning my roommates girlfriend while he was going to his 8am class… About an hour later I managed to throw up from my shower to my toilet without missing. Hella Reckless.”

Gin & Tonic is so baller

Dedication

“Waking up still drunk and go to class at 9am, feel fine until halfway through my second class when I go from drunk to hungover. Leave class and puke in the school bathroom, casually return to class and finish the lecture, start to feel like shit again and puke again but this time the bathroom is full and everyone is laughing at me, go to my last class of the day hoping I’m done throwing up. false. Sit through an hour long lecture holding in my yak, then sprint to the bathroom after and puke again, this time also in a crowded bathroom with people laughing at my misfortune. Puking 3 times on campus, yet still powering through all my classes. Hella Reckless”

“Pissed off”

Got caught pissing behind a dumpster by a cop… He made me take my shirt off and wipe all of it up… Cocksuckers got one coming… Hella Reckless

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